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Chapter 5
Family and Marriage
Christian Perspective
Marriage and family life is the simplest and most fundamental form of human community; the "natural" order God has ordained for life in relationship. It is the context in which many experience God's love and give expression to the values of Christ—compassion, justice, forgiveness and grace—in their personal relationships and the world.
In all forms of society marriage and family life regulates relations between the sexes, and governs the welfare, status and education of children. For Christians it also becomes the context for expressing their relationship with God within human community.
In the Hebrew Scriptures the institution of marriage went through a number of developments, which by the time of Christ had resulted in general monogamy. The New Testament took on and deepened these teachings as the basis for Christian marriage and family, but without any radically new concepts. New Testament references to marriage tend to focus on the inner content of married life rather than its legal status in society. Divorce is seen as a sign of human frailty and failure, but Jesus also shows concern for the vulnerability of women under Jewish laws regulating divorce.
The Christian concept of marriage has been influenced by the high place women filled in the New Testament. Although wives were still subordinate to husbands in the writings of St Paul, his use of the mystical union between Christ and the Church as a metaphor for marriage added significance to the institution as a fundamental form of Christian community.
Traditional western Christian teaching on marriage identifies three purposes of marriage:
- The procreation and nurture of children,
- Human care and support of one another, and
- A remedy against sinful exploitation of others and immoral behaviour.
In the Catholic tradition Vatican Council II proclaimed marriage to be a covenant or foedus ordered for the mutual help of spouses and for the procreation and education of children.
Contemporary life is much more complex than the world of the New Testament, or most of the period since, but the Church continues to believe that the traditional Christian understanding of marriage and family life provides a clear and profound basis for all human community.
The Nature of Christian Marriage and Family Life
We will explore a Christian understanding of marriage and family life by studying the following Declaration of Purpose from the Marriage liturgy of the Uniting Church in Australia. (A separate copy is attached for distribution to Group participants during the presentation.) It is believed this Declaration, though taken from one specific Christian denomination, is nonetheless a faithful expression of the Christian tradition generally.
Declaration of Purpose (Uniting Church Marriage Service)
Marriage is appointed by God. The church believes that marriage is a gift of God in creation and a means of grace in which man and woman become one in heart, mind and body. Marriage is the sacred and life-long union of a man and a woman who give themselves to each other in love and trust. It signifies the mystery of the union between Christ and the church.
Marriage is given that husband and wife may enrich and encourage each other in every part of their life together.
Marriage is given that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in love, and through their physical union may strengthen the union of their lives.
Marriage is given that children may be born and brought up in security and love, that home and family life may be strengthened, and that society may stand upon firm foundations.
Marriage is a way of life which all people should honour; it is not to be entered into lightly or selfishly, but responsibly and in the love of God.
N and N are now to begin this way of life which God has created and Christ has blessed.
Therefore, on this their wedding day, we pray for them, asking that they may fulfil God's purpose for the whole of their lives. (Uniting in Worship—Leaders Book. Melbourne, Joint Board of Christian Education, 1988. pp. 380-381.)
Marriage is appointed by God (and)... is a gift of God in creation
Christians believe that marriage and family life is ordained by God in the Holy Scriptures and is a part of God's "natural" order for human society. It is therefore crucial this institution be maintained for the well being of all people—children, women and men.
Marriage is the sacred union of a man and woman...
Marriage is monogamous and a life-long faithful commitment. In some traditions this understanding creates difficulties in the case of divorce. Marriage is not simply a civil ceremony. If God joins two people in sacred union then it becomes difficult to acknowledge the end of such relationship.
It signifies the mystery of the union between Christ and the church
In Ephesians 5 we discover Christ's love for the church being employed as a metaphor for marriage and family life. True community is based on fidelity, service and an acceptance of responsibility for the well being of others. The metaphor does suggest the subordination of women, consistent with the patriarchal nature of society at that time, but more specifically also emphasises respect for the individual integrity of all people in the context of human relationship.
...that with delight and tenderness they may know each other in love
The procreation of children is acknowledged as one of the primary purposes of marriage. Intimacy, however, within marriage is also seen as a means by which people may enjoy and celebrate their sexuality and their own physical bodies. Western thought has been heavily influenced by the dualism of Greek philosophy with its negative images of the 'body' in contrast to the 'soul'. Christian mystics and teachers down through the ages have sought to balance such views through creation spirituality that emphasises the beauty and integrity of all God's creation, including the human body when shared in fidelity within the marriage relationship.
...that children may be born and brought up in security and love
This is not to devalue childless marriages or other forms of relationship but to emphasise the crucial role marriage and family life plays in the spiritual, social and educational formation of children. Whilst religious bodies, schools, governmental and welfare agencies may have a role to play in child development, the key formative influence of family life, whether or not they are creative or potentially destructive, cannot be overstated.
...that society may stand upon firm foundations
Marriage and family life are seen as the building blocks of all human community. In recent times the definition of what constitutes 'family' has been the subject of debate within secular western society and the Christian church; especially as to whether same sex couples may rightfully constitute a family. Although there are people within the Christian community who may be prepared to apply the term 'family' to any relationship that embodies values of fidelity, forgiveness, justice and respect for the integrity of all people, the Christian church continues to define 'marriage' as the sacred union of a man and a woman, and 'family' as the context in which they bring up their children.
not to be entered into lightly or selfishly, but responsibly
Marriage and family life is inherently about life in relationship with others, and not one's own individual rights. Jesus' teaching on divorce was essentially out of concern for the way Jewish regulations were being interpreted to exploit women and preserve the rights of men rather than addressing the issues that arise when human relationships fail. Marriage and family life, based on the example of Christ, is about being there for others.
this way of life which God has created and Christ has blessed
The Declaration concludes with the reminder that the marriage service is not a civil ceremony but an act of worship in the presence of God. In the Roman Catholic tradition marriage is a 'Sacrament' of the Church (an act of the Holy Spirit) and therefore irreversible except in certain rare circumstances. In Protestant churches, such as the Uniting Church, the marriage is an act of worship in God's presence. In that act, two people make their commitment to one another, and receive God's blessing hoping they may keep their vows for the whole of their life together. This variation in understanding within the Christian communion has implications for how differing traditions respond to the question of divorce.
Notwithstanding this, all Christian traditions see marriage and family life as part of God's "natural" order where the faithful are called to celebrate their lives in relationship with God, with one another and in their world.
Issues Confronting Christians In Relation To Marriage and Family Life
As earlier indicated, modern society is much more complicated than the world of the New Testament, or most of the period since, and Christians struggle to interpret and apply their traditions to the issues of life they now confront.
Divorce
Although, since New Testament times Christian teaching has been that marriage is a life long union to the exclusion of all others, there is nonetheless great variety among Christians with regard to divorce. In the Catholic Tradition, a divorce dissolves the civil bond recognised in marriage. However, a further process of annulment recognises that the bond of marriage, as understood by the Catholic Church, did not come into being. Hence a decree of nullity allows remarriage in the Catholic Church. The bond of marriage, as understood by the Catholic Church, is not just about marriage being a covenant between the two people and between the couple and God. The bond of marriage is also seen as a sacred sign of the covenant between Christ and the Church. It is this bond that is unbreakable. However, an annulment does not claim that there was never any love between the couple. Nor does it claim that there was ever any lack of sincerity or commitment.
Since the Reformation most Protestant churches have permitted divorce and remarriage where adultery has been involved. In recent times, however, civil courts have broadened the scope for divorce, and many Protestant churches now recognise the decisions of civil courts as adequate to allow remarriage in the church of those concerned.
Rather than emphasising marriage as a natural law, some churches may apply a relational ethic where the question is asked "What is the most creative response to the people caught up in this unhappy relationship?" Sometimes a relationship can be destructive and the most creative response is to terminate it so as to minimise the suffering of those who may feel trapped. A Biblical basis for this position is Jesus' concern over the legalism of the Pharisees, and his response to them when some of his disciples were accused of breaking Sabbath fasting laws due to hunger: "The sabbath was made for humankind, and not humankind for the sabbath" (Mark 2:27)
Confronted with the increasing numbers of divorce the church has sought to address the issues causing marriage and family breakdown through the provision of preventative premarital and family counselling services to their members and the wider community. Churches are also heavily involved in supporting families in crisis and children at risk.
Defining Family
As earlier indicated, the term "family" is now defined more broadly within western society to include a range of living situations. These can include same sex couples, divorced and remarried couples, blended families and single parents with dependent children. The dilemma for the church is how to be inclusive and supportive of this great diversity in society and yet maintain the traditional family as the basic building block in the community.
"Family" is also very much a cultural understanding and Australian western society with its emphasis on the "nuclear" family is also now experiencing a resurgence of the communal extended family network through the increasingly multicultural nature of society. This has caused the church to revisit its traditions to determine the extent to which its understanding of marriage and what constitutes family life is culturally determined or is informed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For example, a Tongan Christian may have a different understanding to that of a European Australian as to what constitutes a family, though both could well agree on the values that inform Christian family life.
Role of Women
Christian understanding of the role of women in Christian community and society generally has been heavily influenced by the historical cultural context in which the New Testament was written. It must also be said that the Bible has been written, for the most part, by men and told from a male perspective. Paul in his references to marriage reflected the patriarchal nature of his society and the subordination of women. Similarly, Christian traditions have noted that the twelve apparent closest disciples to Jesus were all men and have interpreted this to mean that ordained ministries and key leadership roles in Christian community are meant to be fulfilled by men.
Balanced against this is the example of Jesus' own willingness to relate openly with women and that women are mentioned among the larger band of disciples who followed him to Jerusalem. Luke also notes their discipleship during the Galilean ministry. Women are prominently referred to in the life of the early church in the writings of the Acts of the Apostles and the Epistles, exercising a variety of ministries. To name just a few, Eunice and Lois are extolled for passing on sincere faith (2 Tim 1:5), and Phoebe is recognised by Paul as a deacon of the church at Cenchreae. (Rom 16:1-2).
The role of women in Christian community in contemporary times revolves around a debate as to whether the traditional view of their place is more due to cultural context rather than Christian teaching, and involves the process of Biblical interpretation employed in differing traditions. In some traditions women are unable to be ordained whilst in others they have risen to positions of high responsibility. In the Uniting Church a laywoman has become national President of the Assembly, and lay and ordained women heads of the state Synods of the church.
Conclusion
Marriage and family life is the simplest and most fundamental form of human community, and the context in which Christians seek to give expression to the values and lifestyle Christ came to reveal; and of how life with one another and the world is informed through relationship with God.
References
- John Macquarie (ed.) A Dictionary of Christian Ethics, London, SCM Press, 1967
- John Macquarie Principles of Christian Theology, rev ed., London, SCM Press, 1977
- New Catholic Encyclopedia, 2nd ed., Washington, Gale, c.2003
- Robinson, Geoffrey Marriage, Divorce and Nullity. A Guide to the Annulment Process in the Catholic Church, Melbourne, Dove Communication, 1984